Lehal Library

faculty simply won’t let go of the here-now-attention-focusing material contained therein. Also, in order to produce these exercises in an audio mode, I have had to listen with an intense form of concentration in the recording and mixing of the various sounds that we use. Evidently, I have had to shut off the effect. Even a simple one-frequency tone causes me to analyze the frequency and attempt to determine that it is stable. Perhaps there is an effect I am not aware of. But it is a strange place to be, looking over the fence at a garden you have planted and fertilized, watching everybody else have such a good time. The here-now portions of recent events are relatively straightforward. For example, I had become painfully (literally) aware that my body has taken to rejecting chemicals. This includes alcohol, prescription drugs, caffeine, and evidently anything else my body says is unnatural for its operation. The rejection or allergic reaction takes the form of profuse sweating, vomiting, and/or severe abdominal cramps. This may be constructive, but it also has its disadvantages. I never was a consequential drinker, but even a glass of wine begins the rejection process. During surgery, it is something intense to cope with. I begin to reject the anesthesia, and awake on the operating table to feel the surgeon sewing me up (I am sure to the surprise of the anesthesiologist). In recovery, under intense pain, a shot of Demerol only brings on extreme vomiting. You can imagine my frustration when others are using a system we developed that permits excellent nondrug pain control in the postsurgical period. In my hospital visits during the past ten years, only once has the system worked for me. I was sorely disappointed when it was not effective on the last trip. It was a nearly unbearable event. Yet I knew if I consciously went out of body, I would not have the courage to return to that sea of scalding pain. A psychologist friend back in the early days was skeptical of this drug allergy. Further, he was interested in what the effects of what are now called entertainment drugs would be on my type of personal and physical makeup. We tried “laboratory”-quality mescaline and